(Orientation Leader) Hi, Hi!  Come on over and have a seat here under the Tree of Life.  Find a seat anywhere!

O.k. Um, this is really just a formality.  These are the official rules for being a human being.  You need to hear these rules before you can start your life.  Pardon me?  No, you will not feel a torrent!  That’s only if you’re a Manifestation and are receiving large quantities of information.

Rule #1: You will receive a body. Huh? Yes, I know it’s not much of a rule, but there it is.  You’re going to receive a body.  You can do good things to it, or bad things   to it, or anything you choose, but I must remind you that you’re going to have that same body the entire trip.  So one word of advice – FIBER, lot’s of it, O.K.

Rule #2: You will learn lessons.  You will be enrolled in a full time informal school called Life and everyday that you are involved with Life, you will have the opportunity to learn a lesson.  You may think that they are smart lessons, or you may think that they are lessons that are totally irrelevant and stupid – yes a lot like algebra – but who knows?  You might like algebra!  Some people do...I heard about that.

Rule #3: There are no mistakes, only lessons.  Now this is really important!  So many people... when they go down there... they take their mistakes so seriously.  You’ve got to understand that growth is a process of trial and error and the key to that is experimentation.

Rule #4 is that a lesson is repeated until learned.  That’s right, you’ve got to keep going at it until you’ve learned it.  And once you’ve learned it, you’ve got to move on to another lesson.

Rule #5: Learning lessons, does not end.  I know, it’s a bummer, it’s a big bummer!  I hate it! But according to the Rules, there is no part of life that does not contain lessons, so if you’re going to be alive, you’re going to be learning lessons.  Hum? What do you mean... What if I’m not alive?!!!   Well, if you’re not alive, your chances for a date on Saturday night go way down! Ha Ha! O.K. you’re not ready for humor yet...

Rule # 6 for being a human being: There is no better than HERE.  Let me say that again... THERE IS NO BETTER THAN HERE. Alright, now you’ve got to remember that when your THERE has become HERE, you will immediately obtain another THERE that will look a lot better than HERE.  But what you’ve got to understand is that your HERE is always better than THERE.  Because you’re HERE and that’s THERE.  Yeah, you may want to write that down – go ahead, I’ve got all the time in the world, really...(hum for a few seconds) O.K. good O.K. 

Rule #7: Others are merely mirrors of you.  Simply put, you can’t love or hate something about another person that you can’t love or hate about yourself.  Alright!

Rule #8: What you make of your life is up to you.  WHAT do you mean you weren’t counting on that?  That’s what life is.  I mean, when you leave here, you’ll have all the tools and resources you’ll need to succeed.  But what you do with them is up to you.  Alright...

Rule #9: Your answers lie within you.  No not literally, metaphorically!  That is to say, that all the answers to your life lie inside of you and not anywhere else.  What you’ve got to do is look, listen and trust.  O.K.?

Rule #10 is that you will forget all this.  All of it!  But that’s O.K. because there’s Rule # 11.  

Rule #11 says “You can remember it whenever you want....(SMILE)

(In the Voice of God!)

O MY FRIENDS! Have ye forgotten that true and radiant morn, when in those hallowed and blessed surroundings ye were all gathered in My presence beneath the shade of the tree of life, which is planted in the all-glorious paradise?  Awe-struck ye listened as I gave utterance to these three most holy words:  O friends!  Prefer not your will to Mine, never desire that which I have not desired for you, and approach Me not with lifeless hearts, defiled with worldly desires and cravings.  Would ye but sanctify your souls, ye would at this present hour recall that place and those surroundings, and the truth of My utterance should be made evident unto all of you.

-Baha'u'llah:  Persian Hidden Words, Page: 19

Number 10:  Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care? Now we won't know what day it is and will have a great excuse.

Number 9:  Instead of one day to celebrate the birth of the Manifestation, like Christmas celebrates Christ's Birthday, we will have 2 Holy Days back to back for the Bab's birthday and Baha'u'llah's birthday. So twice the joy and spirit.

Number 8:  We no longer have to remember the "30 days hath September..." rule of thumb. All months are 19 days long and there are 19 months!

Number 7:  It's the 21st century and it is time to know the difference between the lunar calendar and the solar calendar, say what?

Number 6:  Since the day begins at sunset, everyone will become late risers and everyone can sleep in till half the day's over!

Number 5:  Wedding Invitation reads: You are invited to celebrate our wedding on Beauty, 2 Beauty -translated to Sunday, April 29th which will be in the years: 2018, 2029, 2035, 2040, and 2046! Totally Cool so plan ahead young-uns!

Number 4:  Sunday has been the first day of the week for 2015 years!  Sunday needs a day of rest, so now it is Saturday's turn to be the first day of the week.

Number 3:  TGIF will become TGII, Thank God it's independence!

Number 2:  Nobody knows the meaning of the words January, February, April, September, etc.  Badi Calendar months have meaning, that is Splendor, Glory, Beauty, Light, Mercy, Words, etc.

And the Number one reason why it is time for the Badi Calendar:  Nobody knows how to properly say February anymore, they say Feb-uary and that's just annoying and it's time for a change!

Stage set: Three pictures of old-fashioned pay phones.  The first has a sign above it that says “HELL” “666-6666”, the second has a sign above it that says, “PURGATORY” “123-4567…”, and the third has a sign above it that says, “ABHA KINGDOM (HEAVEN)” “999-1919”. 

NARRATOR: There are many things that must change in building the New World Order of Baha’u’llah.  Some that we’ve never even thought of.  Let’s look at the fate of people who presently are trying to make their transition to the next world… Baha’is call this world: The Abha Kingdom.

Enter FIRST CALLER, walks to HELL phone.  Dials 666-6666, and gets busy signal.  Hangs up, dials again, and gets busy signal.  Keep repeating dial, get busy signal, hangs up.  Gets slowly very frustrated, rolls eye, sighs, redials hard, waits for a while to see if line clears, ends by banging head against wall at end of play after 3rd person goes to Abha Kingdom.

While first caller gets busy signal, enter SECOND CALLER, go to PURGATORY phone.  Dials number 123-4567, gets recorded message:

RECORDING: You have reached the Purgatory line.  Please listen to the menu and make your selection.  If you are Jewish press 1, if you are Hindu press 2, if you are Buddhist press 3, if you are Zoroastrian press 4, if you are Christian, press 5, if you are Muslim press 6, if you are Babi press 7, if you are agnostic press 8, if you are Baha’i press 9, if you are atheist press 10, if you are something not listed press 11.  To hear the menu repeated, press 12.

SECOND CALLER: Five (While presses 5 on phone)

RECORDING: If you are African Methodist Episcopal press 1, if you are Apostolic press 2, if you are Apostolic Pentecostal press 3, if you are in an Assembly of God press 4, if you are Baptist press 5, if you are non-denominational press 6, if you are Brethren press 7, if you are Catholic press 8, if you are Charismatic press 9, if you are in a Church of Christ press 10, if you are a Christian Scientist press 11, if you are in the Church of Jesus Christ of latter Day Saints press 12, if you are in a church of the Nazarene press 13, if you are Eastern Orthodox press 14, if you are Episcopalian press 15, if you are Methodist press 16, if you are a Jehovah’s Witness press 17 , if you are Lutheran press 18, if you are Mennonite press 19, if you are Pentecostal press 20, if you are Presbyterian press 21, if you are Quaker press 22, if you are Seventh Day Adventist, press 23, if you are a Spiritualist press 24, if you are Unitarian press 25, if you have not been listed press 26, if you want to hear this menu repeated press 27…

SECOND CALLER: Five again! (While punches number on phone and is very frustrated by now)

RECORDING:  If you are an American Baptist press 1, if you are in the General Association of Regular Baptists press 2, if you are a Southern Baptist press 3, if you are a General Conference Baptist press 4, if you are an independent Baptist press 5, if you are in the Baptist Missionary Association of America press 6, if you are some other denomination of Baptist not listed press 7, to hear this menu repeated press 8…

After American Baptist of the Christian Baptist menu the THIRD CALLER walks out and goes to the ABHA KINGDOM (HEAVEN) phone and dials 999-1919.

LIVE PERSON ANSWERS: Hello, this is the Abha Kingdom, how can I help you?

THIRD CALLER:  Hi, Wow, I got a real person! I was told to call this number to get directions to the Abha Kingdom.  (Nods head, says yes, like listening) Yes, uh-huh. OK.  Thank you! I think I’ve got it. (Smiles, hangs up phone and exits)

(Sound comes back up on Purgatory line again to show menu choices are still going and caller very frustrated, Hell line is still busy and caller is banging head against wall)

Here is a crop we can sow:

Plant three rows of squash:

1.  Squash gossip

2.  Squash criticism

3.  Squash indifference

Plant seven rows of peas:

1. Prayer

2. Promptness

3. Perseverance

4. Politeness

5. Preparedness

6. Purity

7. Patience

Plant seven heads of lettuce:

1. Let us read the Holy Writings

2. Let us have boundless energy for the tasks ahead

3. Let us be obedient to God’s Will for this day

4. Let us be truthful

5. Let us love one another

6. Let us be unselfish and loyal

7. Let us be faithful to duty

And lastly, no garden is complete without turnips:

1. Turn up for Feast

2. Turn up for teaching/service activities

3. Turn up with a smile, even when things are difficult

4. Turn up with determination to do your best in God’s service

No telling what we will reap – perhaps an even more united community with lot of new Baha’is!

Props:

You can print out pictures of squash, peas, lettuce, and turnips and write on each the word from the lesson.  For example, 4 turnips…, Feast written on one, teaching/service activities on two, smile on three, and determination on four.  You can pass these vegetables out and have them place them in rows and read what they are planting for all to see and hear.  This is a great interactive activity.  You can even hide the veggies and kids can hunt for them, then in the end, plant the garden. You can also make up your own variation!